Navigate Dilemmas with Expert Guidance from Grant Wattie

I’ve sometimes found myself in situations that seem difficult if not impossible to resolve. Comparing then analysing various options in my already frazzled mind can keep me tossing and turning at night.

My clients also bring and endless list of different kinds of scenarios to our sessions (i.e., Which job is the right one to take? Do I stay in or leave a relationship? Do I sue or let it go? How can I cope with my family, job and financial worries? What do I do about my feelings of unhappiness and lack of purpose?).

As the following tips have helped me push through and resolve difficult dilemmas, you may find them useful as well:

1. Acknowledge and accept:  If the situation you’re in is difficult, refrain from judging yourself or blaming others. It is what it is.
2. Choose to be in the situation: Taking responsibility for situations is empowering. So recognize a difficult situation, choose to be in it, then see if it occurs differently for you.

I recently worked with a client who faced a possible serious court charge and prison sentence. Once they learned that taking responsibility for their actions would make them feel more empowered, choosing then confronting their situation helped them learn valuable life lessons (Nelson Mandela choosing to own and honor his choices is a perfect example).

1. Make space for your emotions: This means being present for your feelings. When you breathe into them and give them more space, notice what your emotions are telling you, then ask yourself what you need (i.e., I feel sad and lonely, and need friends or other support around me).
2. Notice unhelpful behaviour: Give a name to your unhelpful behaviour (i.e.,  My sadness is forcing me to withdraw into my shell). Once you name it, it becomes real and your compulsive behaviour loses much of its power.
3. Spend time with your feelings, unhelpful thoughts and difficult emotions: While taking deep breaths, don’t push them away or react to them with unhelpful behavior just because they make you feel uncomfortable. Remember, what you resist can persist.
4. Visualise your idyllic future: Visualise how you’re feeling, what you’re doing at the moment, and who is alongside you. Then locate your values in this image (i.e., I see myself with my family and colleagues all around me. I am happy and am a supportive, loving, respective partner at home and at work. My values are friends, family, and making a valued contribution.)
5. Take the first step toward your ideal future: See yourself in your current situation, then determine the first step you need to make to move towards your future. Name the step, then commit to taking it (i.e., In my current situation I feel lonely and sad, and am isolating myself. The first step is to communicate with my colleagues and my partner, and resolve our differences without blame or judgment. I will commit to the future values of being a supportive partner, colleague and friend.)
6. Take action: Nothing happens without scheduled actions, then a commitment and resolve to take action.
7. Reflect on the outcomes and recommit to your stated future direction and values: Mindfully practice awareness and the preceding eight steps daily until the situation is fully resolved.

Look forward to your comments.