Overcoming Fear: Insights from Grant Wattie on Couples Therapy

During my childhood I lived on a small farm on the outskirts of Havelock North, New Zealand, where we spent a great deal of time outdoors.

I would often have my trusty black Labrador, Judy, sitting next to me or ride the old retired racehorse lounged in the back paddock.

Rafters of noisy turkeys gathered everywhere on the property. When one gobbled, they all noisily “sang” in unison as they chased each other around the barnyard.

I always thought this was a beautiful metaphor for corporate life and how people stay small by surrounding themselves with “turkeys.” They refuse to look beyond the horizon because they’re afraid of leaving the safety and security of their “barnyard.”

The following parable from my book The Aroha Process teaches how to quit being a turkey through self-awareness, and strategies to break-through behavioral patterns from the past.

You were born with wings. Why would you prefer to crawl through life? ~Rumi

The Eagle That Thought He Was A Turkey

After finding a large egg in a wheat field, a farmer took it back to his barnyard and gently placed it on a turkey’s nest.

After Oscar hatched from the egg, he did everything the other turkey chicks did. He pecked at the dirt for earthworms and insects. And gobbled happily as he chased around the barnyard with his feathered friends.

Every so often he’d fly a few feet into the air, and perch on a fence to survey his surroundings.

For a long while Oscar was a contented turkey, until one day when he saw a magnificent bird gliding effortlessly above the bluffs behind the farm.

While watching this spectacular example of aerodynamics, he thought, Oh, my goodness! If only I could be that powerful to fly that strong and that high!

“Who’s that?” he gobbled to his friend, Beakman.

“That’s an eagle, the king of the birds who belongs to the sky,” Beakman answered. “But you need to remember that we’re turkeys. We’re not meant to fly that high, so we belong on the ground.”

Even though Oscar periodically saw the eagle flying overhead, he continued to gobble, scratch and peck in the barnyard.

Oscar was destined to live and die a turkey for that’s who he thought he was.

But that’s not how the story ends — in the parable Oscar manages to escape the barnyard and go on a journey of transformation to live an extraordinary life.

My childhood and my parents gave me a great gift, the gift of freedom. This allowed me to explore life, follow my highest calling through asking deep questions that led me to do what I do now as an executive counsellor, corporate strategist and coach.

Today we live in a culture with an epidemic of mental health issues like anxiety, depression and suicide. It’s no wonder given the pace of change. People live in constant anxiety and fear because they can’t cope with the growing pressures.

I believe the antidote is to know who you really are – your authentic self and your highest calling in life. Then you will no longer be driven by fear but rather filled with passion, purpose and fulfilled by living an extraordinary life.

Unfortunately it’s often not until some kind of wake-up call happens – a relationship fails, a health scare, a financial or career difficulty that your worst fears stare you in the face. It’s only then that you discover the way you are living life doesn’t work. You wake up.

On TV there was a story about this gentleman who knocks on his son’s door. Jaime, he says, Wake up! Wakeup!

Jaime answers, I don’t want to get up, Papa. Why not? asks the father. Three reasons, says Jaime. It’s so boring; the kids tease me; and I hate school.

And the father says, Well, I am going to give you three reasons why you must go to school.

First, it’s your duty; you are forty-five years old, and you are the headmaster.

Wake up, wake up!

So many people that I talk to are afraid to live life fully. While some are traumatized by near death experiences, yet more are fearful of “near life experiences” – they have a chronic fear of failure and manifest a learned helplessness that leaves them resigned and cynical and powerless to change anything.

The secret to having a breakthrough in any area of your life is to ask yourself the question – Is my life working the way I want it to? and then live life authentically, on purpose by choosing actions congruent with your highest needs and values.

Then you will be on the way to a fulfilled life contributing your genius to the world.