Living an extraordinary life begins with waking up.
Most people don’t even know they are asleep. As the Jesuit spiritual leader, Anthony De Mello said, “They’re born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up.”
The paradox is though everything seems to be in a mess, all is well with the world. Tragically, most people never get to see that everything is great because they’re asleep and living a nightmare.
There was a story on television about a gentleman who knocked on his son’s door one morning:
“Jaime,” he said, “wake up!”
“I don’t want to get up, Papa”.
“Get up, you have to go to school”.
“I don’t want to go to school”.
“Why not?” his father asked.
“Three reasons,” Jaime answered. “First, because it’s so boring. Second, the kids tease me. And third, I hate school”.
“Well, I’m going to give you three reasons why you must go to school,” the father said. “First, because it is your duty. Second, because you’re forty-five years old. And third, because you’re the headmaster”.
Wake up, people. Wake up and stop playing with your toys! You’ve grown up and you’re too big to be asleep.
During my lifelong search for the answer to the question how can I be happy and satisfied, I read hundreds of books and attended courses on philosophy, leadership, psychology and human behaviour.
The answer finally came to me in a deeply impactful way: My research and experience revealed that for many people true insight is precipitated through a crucible event that wakes them up, like being jolted awake with a glass of cold water tossed in their face, to reveal a hidden truth.
One day while driving in the car with my daughter Rachel (who was six years old at the time), she asked, “Daddy, why do you go overseas all the time?”
I was completely stumped, and tried to think of a rational answer that would make sense to her. So I blurted out something stupid like, “Well, so we can get more money.”
“Why do you need more money?”
“To buy a bigger house and a new car”.
“We already have a big house and a car”.
“Maybe a beach house then?”
“Grandma and Granddad already have a beach house we can use”.
I was being outfoxed by a six-year-old. Trying to defend my ego I asked her, “Honey, why are you asking me that question?”
(I’ll never forget her answer) “I don’t want any of those things — a new house, a new car. I just want you and Mum”.
In that moment it struck me like a lightning bolt that happiness was about spending time with the people I love, which is why I got married and had children in the first place.
I realised an entire lifetime is measured in moments of time stacked in a row like DVD movies, and when children fly the nest it’ll be too late to get those lost moments back. Too late to record memories of their sports games and music lessons. And too late to reassure them that they are beautiful and talented, and can become anyone and do anything they want.
In the end it came down to what legacy I want to leave in my life – a loving father and husband? Or a business person with lots of money and so-called success?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about the legacy you want to leave through your leadership.