I hear these myths all day long and it really irks me. I wrote this post to dispel them as they have the power to destroy your marriage if you believe them.
Myth 1: Both partners must be willing to work on the marriage.
Truth: One person alone can save their marriage, without their spouse’s initial commitment
Most people think, they need their spouse to be equally committed to fix their marriage. If you want to fix it you need to go alone. One person’s effort can change the course of a marriage, and often, it’s that effort that motivates the stubborn spouse to join in the process. When you show up differently in the marriage the whole dynamic changes.
Myth 2: You need therapy (and lots of time) to save your marriage.
Truth: Transforming a marriage can happen fast
Be very careful. Marriage therapy fails in most situations. The success rate is shocking with most couples reporting to me their relationship is worse off. Therapy focuses on your problems and the past. Talking doesn’t resolve them; it makes them worse. It leads to arguments and more hurt and pain. Marriages transform because people transform. Don’t say anything but do take action.
Myth 3: Maybe you married the wrong person.
Truth: You stopped choosing to love the person you chose.
The key to succeeding in lasting love is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. Love is not a lottery. Just as there are laws of the universe – like gravity, what goes up must come down, there are also relationship laws that require you to obey them in order to predict the outcome of your marriage.
Myth 4: You just need time apart.
Truth: Absence does not make the heart grow fonder.
In marriage, especially a struggling one, absence creates emotional distance, and that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve – connection and closeness.
Myth 5: It’s too late to turn things around
Truth: It is never too late, unless you believe it is
The only time its too late is when you are both pushing up worms. I’ve seen couples turn around marriages when it seemed hopeless to most. What made the difference? They transformed the root cause of the issue by believing and getting help and taking meaningful actions.
If you think you can save it or you think you can’t then either way your right. Be careful about the self-fulfilling prophecy you have.
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