Why Couples Therapy Doesn’t Work: A Key Insight

Over 500,000 couples a month are searching for couples therapy in the US alone and most of them are making a huge mistake.

Here’s the thing, the myth is that people think that going to a couples therapist will save their marriage when the opposite is true.

This is the exact wrong approach to take and this decision alone will probably destroy your marriage.

Here’s why…

As many of you know by now, Christine and I have both spent many years working one on one with people in therapy and executive coaching, and leadership development. Christine also teaches adult education to adult educators and is the genius behind our program structure.

Couples therapy works for some people with some issues some of the time. 

Couples therapy over time is great to resolve small issues or to deal with whatever is bothering you by taking a piecemeal approach.

For example, its like saying, I’m hungry, what are we having for dinner? Fish and Chips. Great. Problem solved. 

Versus saying, I’m stressed, unhealthy and unhappy, how can we structure our diet so we can live a healthy energetic life that rocks for the rest of our lives?

Do you see the difference?

So what’s missing from couples counselling with most therapists is any long term strategy with an exact gameplan with actions and accountability.

In other words, you wouldn’t teach children to master a mathematics curriculum of learning with such an ad hoc approach it just wouldn’t work.

Today, algebra, tomorrow, calculus, next day, the times table…

Ridiculous right?

Yet thats what we do when we got to counselling. The therapist asks the wrong questions, like…

How do you feel today? You say – sad, frustrated and angry. 

What do you want to work on? You say – How to stop feeling sad, frustrated and angry.

A better question might be:

What kind of person do you need to BE to live in your dream marriage now?

Or

Are you prepared to be 100% commited, resourceful and ready to take all the actions necessary to create your dream marriage?

That’s the types of questions we ask you to see if you are going to be a fit for our program.

Because we know that there are 100’s of distinctions that you need to discover to create a great marriage

And they can’t be taught in a one on one session.

No way Jose!

So the truth is that ad hic couples therapy doesn’t work for a couple wanting to either save their marriage or get over major issues to create a great marriage.

Maybe for some people some of the time, but certainly not for all people all of the time.

That’s why we stopped working in this way as we literally would need to have a session a week for a year to cover the course material. 

It’s like trying to push a massive boulder up the hill with small pushes from different directions.

Rather, whats needed is consistent action in the same direction to get momentum. A strategy, with accountability and consistent actions. RIght?

So how do we achieve the outcomes you really want?

We do it with solid adult learning principles with the following structure (thanks to Christine)

• One on one sessions at the beginning, middle and end of the program 
• Over 100 hours of program materials including videos, audios and worksheets covering all the distinctions you need to know. 
• Group sessions weekly to learn from others in the group
• Email support throughout the program
• Secret facebook group for support with others in the program
• Monthly graduate calls

Thats it. 

The result is an intensive consistent approach to get the result you are looking for.

This is designed to be the best of the best of marriage programs, its a leadership program in the context of your relationship. 

In our experience this is the only way to get to where you want to go with any degree of certainty.

However on your part it requires, 100% commitment, being coachable and taking the right consistent actions we teach.

Anything else just doesn’t work from my experience.

Now all we are missing is you.

Click here to watch our free masterclass. The 5 secrets to save your marriage even if your partner is checked out.

Grant Wattie helps Business Professionals create lasting love and a Million Dollar Marriage™. He’s worked with over 10,000 couples with a transformational and authentic approach.