Yes, it is completely normal to love your spouse and not feel in love anymore, and the in-love feeling can be rekindled. The early rush of being in love is partly chemistry, and it was never designed to last at that intensity. What replaces it can be deeper, but only if a couple keeps tending it. When the tending stops, the love remains as fondness and commitment while the spark goes quiet. That is not a broken marriage. It is an untended one.

So many couples reach this point and panic, certain that the fading feeling means they married the wrong person. It usually means nothing of the kind. The in-love feeling is not something you have or lose by luck. It is something you grow through the deposits you make in each other.

In Love Without Limits we talk about the relationship bank account, and passion is one of the things that thrives on deposits and withers on neglect. The spark did not leave because the love died. It dimmed because the small things that feed it, attention, playfulness, touch, novelty, quietly stopped. Feelings follow actions more than we expect. Start doing the things that grow desire, and the feeling tends to follow.

Grant and I have been married 40 years, and the in-love feeling has come and gone and come again more than once. It comes back not by waiting for it, but by tending the relationship on purpose, making deposits, bringing back play and attention and surprise.

In practice it looks like courting each other again in small ways. You make time that is just for the two of you. You bring back playfulness and touch. You do something new together, since novelty wakes up desire. You appreciate out loud. The in-love feeling is downstream of these, and it returns when the tending returns. Around 85 to 90 percent of couples who do the work see the dynamic begin to shift within 7 days.

Loving your spouse without feeling in love is normal and it is reversible. Tend the relationship again, and the feeling can come back.

If the spark has faded and you want to rekindle it, book a free 15-minute call. Tell us where things are. We will be honest about what is possible.

Is it normal to love but not be in love with my spouse? Yes, entirely. The early in-love rush was never meant to last at that intensity. Love settling into fondness while the spark goes quiet is normal, and the spark can be rekindled.

Does losing the in-love feeling mean I married the wrong person? Almost never. The feeling fades through neglect, not because of a mismatch. It is grown and regrown through how you tend the relationship, not decided by who you married.

Can the in-love feeling come back? Yes. Passion thrives on deposits, attention, playfulness, touch, novelty, and withers on neglect. When the tending returns, the feeling tends to follow, because feelings follow actions.

How do we get the spark back? By courting each other again in small ways, protected time, play, touch, trying something new, and appreciation said out loud. The in-love feeling is downstream of these.